The first move is to reclaim agency. Many people speak as if they “have to” do everything, when the truth is that they are choosing—often choosing to avoid discomfort, conflict, or the fear of missing out.
Choice is described as an action, not a possession. You don’t just “have” options; you practice choosing. When you forget that, you slip into a victim posture where everyone else’s priorities feel binding and your calendar becomes a list of other people’s preferences.
The essentialist language is simple: decide, don’t slide. Say “I choose to” when you commit, and let that sentence expose what you’re trading away. The moment you own the trade-off, you can start making better ones—and stop outsourcing your life to the loudest request. That is the starting point.